Here are just a few of the questions I have been asking myself since it was announced last week that luxury hotel chain Kempinski is working towards a partial 2013 opening of Pyongyang’s infamous Ryugyong Hotel – a.k.a. “Hotel of Doom” – that will encompass 150 top-floor rooms:
1) Will the Kim Il Sung suite be larger than the Kim Jong-il suite?
2) Will guests who steal the five-star towels or bath robes be sent to labor camp?
3) Will valet parking attendants praise their Dear Leader(s) for helping them retrieve the proper vehicle?
4) Will the hotel’s service guarantees include a promise that rooms are not bugged?
5) Will Americans requesting late check-out be privately referred to by housekeeping as “U.S. imperialist pigs”?
6) Will Bill Clinton be invited to the 2013 VIP opening?
7) Will the hotel mini-bars carry choco pies?
8) Will it be portraits… or landscapes above the bed?
9) Will the Room Service menu include a Kim Jong-un breakfast special?
10) Will anyone on the front desk take secret pride in the fact that their workplace looks from the outside like a captured U.S. Stealth bomber?
[Photo courtesy Koryo Tours]